Day by day

Just had an epidural in my lower back on Monday. It is Saturday and I'm still recovering. I've had people tell me that they can go back to work the next day after having this procedure, but it knocks me off my feet for days. That is what fibromyalgia does to me, at least this is what the doctor says. It makes me more susceptible to feeling the pain, or something like that, my nerves are angrier than normal ones. Lol

The last time I had this particular procedure was back in 2007. I remember my recovery time being much longer and the pain from the puncture wound being much worse. Maybe I was just a bigger whimp back then, or maybe they have now perfected the technique, or just maybe this decease has made me stronger.

A few weeks ago I had another round of facet blocks in my mid-back. I've been having those quite regularly. They seem to help with back pain. Once I can "quiet down" parts of my body pain it makes the rest easier to manage. Fibromyalgia pain comes in many forms and most of the time it's all at once.

I think it is too early to tell if this epidural is helping yet. It is supposed to help with some of the pain I feel that radiates down my legs. I'm still feeling that but it might be a little less. It's hard to determine when I'm still feeling crappy from the procedure itself. I'm still walking though, every single day. Walking keeps me from being bedridden.

The important thing is I don't give up on trying to feel better and fighting for a better quality of life. Every day is a struggle to stay within my calorie goal, (using myfitnesspal.com) and exercising with my Fitbit, which makes it easy to keep track of the amount of activity I've done, especially with all the resting I must do in between work out bursts. My Fitbit helps me see how active I've been and how much more I need to do with out over exertion. I can keep within my recommed calories based on my activity.

It has taken me a long time to get as good as I am now,  which isn't great but could be considered better than a year ago. I am hoping to keep improving and lose 40 more pounds,  so that hopefully my body won't have to work as hard,  and my number of "good days" may increase. It is not easy living most days with a pain level of 5 or more.

So many things that factor into how my body reacts to basic life,  like stress,  weather, temperature, food choices,  moods,  and sleep... I'm sure there's more but with my current brain fog this is all I can remember at the moment. It's taken me almost three days just to be able to focus on this one blog and finally post it. 

SUPER FOCUSED ON MY SUPER

It's been such a long time since I have updated my blog. 

I'm still dealing with all the nuisances that come along with fibromyalgia,  but with time comes experience,  and with that comes knowledge.  With knowing what you are up against, comes preparation and management; once you have this you have the potential of good days, life enjoyment and even keeping plans!

At the end of 2014,  I was at the end of my rope with my health.  Things were so bad that I would not even leave the house, for many days in a row and sometimes more than a week or even more. I spent most of my time in bed with entire body aches, fatigue,  migraines,  dizziness, brain fogginess, tongue twisted, backaches, cramps and constipation, craving sweets, an emotional wreck and hardly able to walk. Totally miserable and such a victim. I felt so sorry for myself and just totally lost track of my "SUPER". You have to be some kind of SUPER to deal with a condition like fibromyalgia every single day of your life. You have to wake up and sock it right in the mouth, every single morning for the rest of your life. It is just something you have to except and deal with.

For Christmas last year my sister bought the whole family pictures of all of us together, that were professionally taken at the end of fall. Although I was very grateful for such a priceless gift, it forced me to take a good look at myself. Who the eff is that fat girl in my clothes? I thought. Yikes!!! That's what I look like now? In that moment a change in me happened and I started to find my missing "SUPER".

How can I fix this? Maybe this extra weight I've been carrying around is contributing to my pain? I started to dig back into all of my fibro information and went searching for more.  I learned that I'm not alone, a very high percentage of people diagnosed with fibromyalgia also suffer from weight problems, for a number of reasons: pain makes it hard to exercise regularly, medication side effect, partnering conditions, incapable of dealing with stress and other things all contribute to weight gain. I've battled with my weight my whole life, but luckily along the way, I have learned a few things. That last week of 2014, I started making subtle changes that were the start of a new life style.

Eating clean and green! It's a great motto for healthier eating. Sticking to white meats, veggies, fruits and staying away from sweets and the deep fried yummy stuff. You can cheat once in a while, but not for more than a day or so a week or every other week. The sugar is the hardest thing for me to avoid. My medications make me crave it. Drink more water and quit the soda pop if you can, but at least minimize it. One thing that I've found that helps me drink my water, is to add a few ounces of fruit juice. Make sure you account for those calories though, because they can add up fast.  I recommend getting the low calorie juice.

Exercise! But how? It hurts so bad!!! So many tears, I have to be so brave to get through it. The solution: Get yourself a Fitbit. You don't have to exercise all at once. It's something that you can work on slowly through out the day if you need to. I started out not even being able to walk for 5 minutes at a time. Now I'm much better at it and I work on getting my steps in throughout my whole day. It's a great way to manage the pain, especially on the really bad days, when I hurt no matter what position I'm in. I might as well just burn some calories while I ach, hurt, burn, etc.

Pain Management Specialists and my family doctor have worked together to do what they can to give me the injections in my spine to help ease pain and keep me able to move. I always think of it like I'm the tinman from "The Wizard of Oz", and my doctors oil between my vertebra to keep me from ceasing up. It seems as long as I keep moving, I'm able to move. Once I stop, it's really hard and painful to get myself going again. This is why doing a little walking at a time, rest and a little more walking, keeps my muscles warm and able to move. Once those muscle cool off I'm hunched over like a 90 year old lady again. One of the easiest ways I've found to get little walks in during the day is to do a few laps around the garage every 45-60 minutes. They start adding up quick when you do it all day long and you would be very surprised at the strength you can build.

I have to find "the SUPER" in me every single morning, and I have to keep that SUPER with me to get through my day. Some days may be easier than others, but that comes with the territory. I just had to change the mode of thinking from being the hopeless victim to being a fearless warrior. I can't take all the credit, however, because my medicine helps me get more of the rest I need, keeps my moods up and leveled, and my support system, including the all mighty God, helps me keep going when I could just fall in a heap from exhaustion. I am also terribly lucky to be married to the most patient and loving man in the universe. 

I'm happy to say I've made progress and that is all anyone can ever really hope for with a debilitating decease. I may never get back my life as it once was before fibro took me over, but I will enjoy what life I do have any way I can.  

Havin a hard time...

Well, just what the title says... It's been rough...especially the past month or more. Lots of emotions that I can't control, mostly because I switched from cymbalta to Wellbutrin and the withdrawal from no cymbalta is hell. I'm sure I'm not on enough Wellbutrin yet either. Everything is a big emotional event for me. All my walls are up. My pain levels are massive. I can hardly stand this. And the thought of winter just beginning is really getting me down too. I'm in that "everybody hates me" mode. Paranoid thoughts and every little thing that goes wrong is the end of the world! I hate feeling like this, especially when I know I don't have to. It's totally my meds screwing with me. It's better now than it was a month ago, though. (When I had to put my cat down. She was very ill.) I guess I will hold on to the thought, it will get better, because it has already. I'm better enough now to at least blog about it. Maybe that is the twinkle of light I see at the end of this long darkness. I can only hope. Thank God I have such an understanding husband...anyone else would have given up on me by now!

Next week I get to have more pain relief injections in my back. That will help a lot too and get me through the holidays so I can make it to all of the family parties.

Pain levels have been as high as 9 and my tolerance isn't what it use to be before injections. I'm becoming a wuss. 

If there's anyone out there that reads my ramblings, please say a little prayer for me. I will pray for all my readers. <3 

I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving.